IF THIS FEELS FAMILIAR:
You don’t have to wait until drinking has taken over your life to question it.
Maybe, from the outside, everything looks fine. But you’re tired of promising yourself you’ll drink less, only to reach for a glass again when evening comes.
I know what it’s like to live with that gap between the choices you want to make and the ones you keep making. It’s part of why I created Soberistas.com
And why I do this work now.
AS SEEN IN:
THAT WAS ME TOO:When I stopped drinking in 2011, I had to learn who I was without alcohol.
For years, I’d thought of myself as the extrovert—the Pinot Grigio party queen. Drinking felt woven into how I socialised and how I saw myself.
Stopping didn’t instantly answer every question. But it gave me the space to start asking why I’d relied on alcohol for so long, and what I wanted my life to look like without it
Sobriety gave me room to see more clearly.
I began to notice the habits and assumptions I’d carried for years—about who I was, what I needed and what I was allowed to ask for. Some of that went well beyond alcohol.
I didn’t work it all out at once. But for the first time, I could listen to myself without drinking over what I felt
I felt like a blank canvas.
I had no clear sense of who I was, no real understanding of what mattered to me, & no internal compass to guide me.
LOOKING BACK...I can see that drinking was doing more than helping me relax.
It helped me feel confident when I wasn’t. It made it easier to push aside feelings I didn’t know what to do with.
And because drinking was so normal in the world around me, I didn’t question it for a long time.
When I stopped, I began to see those patterns more clearly—and realise I wasn’t the only woman living with them.
IN 2012, AT THE AGE OF THIRTY-FIVE:I founded Soberistas, an online community for people questioning their relationship with alcohol.
I’d stopped drinking the year before, and I wanted to create the kind of honest, understanding space I’d needed myself.
Over the years, I’ve listened to thousands of women talk about drinking more than they intended, promising themselves they’d cut back, and feeling ashamed when they couldn’t. I wrote five books and spoke publicly about women and alcohol—but the conversations within the Soberistas community stayed with me most.
They showed me how many women were trying to change while feeling completely alone. That’s why support and understanding are still at the heart of my work.
THEN SOMETHING SHIFTED:Stopping drinking changed my life. It didn’t mean I had everything figured out.
In the years after I quit, I began to notice how often I’d ignored what I felt or needed. Reaching perimenopause made that harder to brush aside.
I started paying attention to the moments when I’d automatically say yes, soften what I meant or put myself last. Slowly, I learned to respond differently—and to trust myself more.
That experience shaped The Permission Principle. It’s not about becoming a different person overnight. It’s about understanding the patterns you’ve lived with and giving yourself room to make another choice.
SOUND FAMILIAR?Over the years, I’ve heard women describe the same painful cycle, again and again:
“I tell myself I won’t drink tonight, but by evening I’ve changed my mind.”
“I only meant to have one, and I don’t understand why I kept going.”
“My life looks fine from the outside, so why does this feel so hard?”
These are capable women who care about their health and the people in their lives. They aren’t looking for another lecture about willpower. They want to understand what keeps happening—and find a way to change it.
That’s the thinking behind The Permission Principle: making room for honesty and understanding, so you can begin to make choices that feel like your own.
IF THIS RESONATES: