Making Up Nonsense

The believability of our thoughts is quite something, isn't it? Our minds are incredibly good at conjuring up ideas that are utter nonsense and hold us back, keeping us from realising our best selves and happiest lives.

Here are just a few of the most fantastical thoughts that have popped up in my head over the years, along with where they have taken me...

1. I need alcohol to have fun. Oh dear, where to start with this one? It began when I was just 13 years old, at a party thrown by friends of my parents. I found my way pretty quickly and intuitively to the dining room in which there stood a table, positively groaning with bottles of alcohol. This was a sign that my original thought was true - a party equalled fun equalled heavy drinking. I drank. I got shitfaced. All the grown-ups saw. My parents were fuming. This notion that alcohol was required in order to have fun stayed with me for many years and I NEVER QUESTIONED IT UNTIL I QUIT DRINKING. And guess what? As soon as I gave myself the space to live free from alcohol, I recognised that this idea I'd held for so long, that alcohol was a prerequisite for good times, was complete rubbish. I was happier without it - more confident, laughed more, interacted more, felt more connected. Alcohol was not only NOT essential for fun, it stole any chance of having fun.   

2. I am unloveable. This thought crept in during my early teens. I felt different to other people, as though I was always on the edge and not accepted as a part of the "cool group". I sought out confirmation of this thought all the way through the subsequent years until I reached my early forties (when I finally learnt how to be mindful and distinguish thought distortions from reality). My divorce (aged 27) constituted a major blow to any shred of self-worth I had in my early twenties, and the heavy drinking years that followed only deepened the degree to which I hated myself. Tackling this thought, that I was unloveable, took a lot of work. But, as with all thought distortions, I got there in the end.   

3. I will not be able to lose weight. This thought was stubborn, and gained momentum as I hit the perimenopause years. During the time when I had breast cancer (2022-23), I took on board what I read about the disease causing, on average, a stone in weight gain. I was reading (noticing - again, confirmation bias) a lot about the menopause making women put weight on and how difficult it was to lose it once our oestrogen levels begin to decline. And guess what? I put a stone on. I couldn't shift it. I told myself continually, "Ahh, this is the stone in weight that all breast cancer sufferers experience". I told myself, "You are perimenopausal. This weight gain thing is a fact - you will be fat. You will not be able to lose this weight". The thoughts I was experiencing and attaching to became authority. They were fact. But I sorted this one out too, just as soon as I reclaimed my rational brain and started to see what I was doing - as soon as I turned it around and believed that I would lose weight and this extra stone was not inevitable, it came off.   

4. I'll never be able to love someone again. After my ex dumped me in the spring of 2023 (following the above mentioned cancer experience), I was heartbroken. It took me a long time before I could even think about having feelings for someone again. I went on a couple of dates but not with any sense of investment. I couldn't imagine ever falling in love again. I thought my heart had been broken beyond repair. But eventually, after about eight months, I met up with a long-ago ex, someone I went out with when I was 17 years old. It felt as though we had never been apart. It took a while for me to trust again and lower my walls but I got there in the end. I fell in love again. A forever love.

Imagine if I had never questioned the above thoughts? Imagine if I had listened to what was happening in my head and taken it all on board, unquestioningly and with zero awareness that it might not be true? I'd still be drinking. I'd still be overweight. I'd still be lonely and sad. I'd still be living with barriers and lack of trust.

What changed was that I let go. I detached from my internal narratives, stepped back from the reality that I had created in my mind, and chose to see things from a completely different perspective. I trusted that my ego may be talking nonsense. I opened my mind up to something else, something that I did not yet see.

This is the basis of behaviour change. If you are struggling with any of the above thought distortions and want help in escaping from this self-made prison, get in touch with me now. It's not difficult to set yourself free once you learn the principles of objective thought management. I believe we can all change and I know it's easy... but only with the right tools and mindset.

Lucy xx 😘

PS. The photo below is me on my wedding day, aged 23. A long way to go in terms of self-love, knowing that I did not need alcohol in order to have a good time, and working out that I am absolutely NOT my thoughts.